Making it Right: A Reflection on Community Rule #9
The Mid-Week Missive is based on Community Rules: An Episcopal Manual by Ian Markham and Kathryn Glover, both administrators at Virginia Theological Seminary. I am working my way through this book, reading and writing through the lens of our Life Together as part of the Christ the King Episcopal Church family, as well as part of the Diocese of the Central Gulf Coast.
Rule #9: Never Be Afraid to Apologize. Markham and Glover’s reflection on this rule can be found in their book, which can be purchased here.
How does this rule apply to our Life Together at Christ the King? This week, I attended a workshop for Treehouse parents called “Positive Discipline.” The topic of apologies came up, and one of the teachers pointed out that simply requiring a child to say “I’m sorry” to another child whom he/she has hurt isn’t sufficient. An inauthentic, coerced apology simply falls flat. In addition to, or even in lieu of “I’m sorry,” there must be an invitation by the offending child to “make it right.” So, rather than just saying “I’m sorry,” one might say, “I’m sorry I knocked over the tower you just built. Can I help you put it back together?” In other words, “I messed up. I apologize. How can I make it right?” The answer might be, “Just go away from me for a little while so I can cool off.” And that is ok. But the invitation to “make it right” will undoubtedly bring the relationship closer to reconciliation than just an apology.
Of course, this example of “positive discipline” for children applies to adults as well. The practice of paying reparations for the sins of past generations is politically controversial, but no doubt it is one way that folks are being invited to do more than just apologize, but to also “make it right.”
On a personal level, I am at a place in my life where I feel like I owe more apologies and “making it right” than ever before. As a husband and parent I am in more important, meaningful relationships than when I was just flying solo. People who I love deeply need, expect, and deserve me to fulfill my role as husband and parent with integrity, consistency, and love. And alas, I fail at that pretty regularly. I have become really good at apologizing. But do I “make it right” after I apologize? Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don’t. But “making it right” isn’t just good, “positive discipline,” it is the very essence of Christianity – the relationship between God and humankind being “made right” through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God!
Eastertide blessings and peace,
Richard+